The Year of the Purge

It’s New Year’s Eve, 2016.  I am surrounded by my wonderful band of cousins.  Champagne is being passed around.  I had had enough booze and food and noise and the Holidays.  So the clock strikes 12 and I didn’t have that sip.  Birth of a resolution, off the booze January.  Really what I wanted was to be off the booze for life.  So after January, I kept the sobriety going.  Alcohol had wrecked havoc on my whole life so far, directly and indirectly.  Oh the stories, the pain, the grief, the fun, the depression, the hangovers, the fights, the sorrow.  I use to think of booze as the bad boyfriend.  You know the type, they convince you they are really fun, sincere guy and you can’t do better.  Then they leave you with a really big hangover and big fat mess.    Since that New Year’s Eve, I have not poured or served myself an alcoholic beverage.  I feel free.  I feel so amazing.  I feel empowered.  So empowered, that I’ve purged other things too.  Threw out a bunch of “stuff” that I will never use.  Things I really needed to unload.  I mean this in both a physical and emotional way.  It has led to one change after another.  It is all forward from here.  Just changed my flight pattern for the most part.  Ending my relationship with drinking alcohol has improved my mind, body and spirit.  I have more energy, more fun, sleep better, work better,  eat better.  Along with this, I went completely vegan last spring and it feels really, really good this time.   I have been vegan on and off since my 20’s.  Just didn’t stick.  I ate a lot of animals on and off for years.  Always going back and forth from vegan, vegetarian, flesh-eater, egg lover.  Even though I knew all of the good, bad and uglies about the animal food we eat.  It doesn’t matter now.  This time it feels different.  Just like the last drink.   I feel more in touch with myself.  I feel less anxiety and definitely feel less depressed.  It is reflected in every aspect of my life.

I didn’t drink alcohol between the ages of about 25-35.   I started drinking wine at about 36 because it was suppose to be good for my health (bad boyfriend lie).   Basically I’ve been drinking every since with a few months off every once in awhile.  In 1997, I didn’t drink most of that year.  It was the year I decided my 14-year marriage was over.  I was very clear-headed.  A decision, unfortunately, I have never regretted.  We were never going to work.  It was a very sad time, but not adding alcohol to mix, eased the pain.  The best part, those 3 great kids we share, that has certainly changed my life for the better.

In the early days of the year, I read a lot of blogs about people stories and relationships with alcohol and how to live a sober life.  It helped a lot on those days you think, just one is ok. I also read a lot about the impact of alcohol on your body.  Pretty hard stuff.  My body is definitely working better.  It has certainly helped me recover a little more from my head-on collision in July 2015.  This accident was a life-changer for me and a long, painful journey of which I am still recovering.   The emotional side of me has taken an about face towards happiness.  Something I haven’t felt in many, many years, if ever. Something that had to happen!  This year has been filled with amazing openings of my heart, of letting go of useless ideas, things and people who have been a constant reminder of what I do not want.  Yes, I am empowered in this moment.  My direction is towards the sun.  The past is in the ground, creating rich soil from everything in this life so far.  My wish and hope is that someone in this very position finds this post and maybe it will help them on their journey.  It really never ends.  Evolution is imminent.